Bitersweet victory
by duck14
Summary: The final battle is over, Harry and his friends won, but Harry doesn’t feel like partying as guilt takes him. Will he be able to overcome it ? Mostly HPxGW with some HGxRW I know, I know, I suck at summaries...just read it ! thx !
1. Death wishes

**Disclaimer : I don't own any characters, names locations etc. In fact I don't own anything but my imagination.**

**A/N : If there are any mistakes please let me know, I'm french !**

Summary : The final battle is over, Harry and his friends won, but Harry doesn't feel like partying as guilt takes him. Will he be able to overcome it ?

"_And, honestly, I've had enough trouble for a lifetime."_

Harry turned to his two best friends, Ron and Hermione, who were standing so close to each other one could have thought they were one and only person. He smiled at them, and turned back to Dumbledore's portrait :

" Well, thank you, thank you for everything, I don't know if-

You are more than welcome, my boy, he answered with a nod, ans a genuine smile. Harry could see the pride in his eyes. But I believe you need to rest. How long has it been since you last had a shower and a nap ?

Er…well…it hit Harry that it had indeed been a very long time. I guess you're right. He turned to his friends, noticing they barely had their eyes open. Come on, let's go to our dorms. Goodbye, professor."

They all said their goodbyes and left the office. Harry suddenly felt very tired and it was hard for him to reach the Griffindor common room, while Ron and Hermione were supporting each other. Harry was feeling extremely happy and relieved, the battle was over, he could finally live carefree, with his two best friends. However, he had a strange feeling, like he had no right to feel so happy. When the fat lady's portrait slid open, revealing a heart breaking scene to Harry, he instantly understood it. What he was feeling was guilt. A thick suffocating guilt.

The entire Weasley family sat near the fire, crying their lost Child/Brother, Fred. Mrs. Weasley was sobbing in her husband's chest, who tried his best to comfort her. George's look was empty, his face extremely pale, while Ginny was shaking and her eyes were red and puffy.

Harry just stood there, unable to move, unable to say anything, just watching them, when Mrs.Weasley looked up and saw him.

" Harry…she began, her voice barely audible.

I…I didn't…sorry."

With that, Harry turned around and ran away as fast as he could, instantly forgetting his exhaustion and oblivious to Ron and Hermione who were desperately yelling for him to come back.

Harry ran, he ran past the Great Hall, ignoring all the people he met and oviously wanted to thank him. Deep inside, Harry knew he wasn't the one they wanted to thank. They wanted to thank the Boy-Who-Lived, and Harry felt like this part of him had died during the battle. Harry felt dead inside, and he wished he would be dead instead of all these innocent people.

He reached the school park, and without noticing it, he stopped near the lake, under the tree where he had spent so many times, along with his friends, with Harid, with Ginny…even the Marauders had spent a great amount of time there. It seemed it had become some kind of tradition.

Harry looked up to the sky, thinking about his pas year, and, above all, about the battle of Hogwarts, how he could have kept so many people from dying, if only he had turned himself in sooner.

Harry felt a wave of anger coming on him, first he felt angry at Voldemort, for making his life a living hell even being dead, and them he became angry at himself, for being so weak. People believed he was the most powerful wizard in the world, but in fact, he was so weak. Each time he had escaped from Voldemort was out of pure luck. Even tonight, Harry hadn't really killed Voldemort, Voldemort had killed himself.

Harry felt tears coming to his eyes, and he just stood there, crying, yelling, throwing stones into the lake with as much power as he could. He had failed everyone who trusted him, and he felt like he did not deserve anyone's love.

Now that it was all over, Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived, stood there, wishing with all his heart he had died.

**A/N : So, what do you think ? Chapter two is written, let me know what you think, if you're positive I'll post it ! Don't be too critical though, it is my first one !**


	2. Learning to live

**Disclaimer : I don't own any characters, names locations etc. In fact I don't own anything but my imagination.**

**A/N : Ok, well, there goes Chapter two ! Thanks a lot for your reviews, I hope there are less mistakes this time ! By the way, I am so sorry about the missing speech marks, I had them when I wrote the story, but somehow they disappeared Anyway, keep telling me where my mistakes are, so I can do better next time !**

In the meantime, in the Gryffindor common room, everyone (the Weasleys and Hermione) was stunned, watching Harry run away, unable to move, not knowing what to do. Finally, Ginny, who had been hesitating between staying mad at Harry for leaving, for not ginving any news, for shutting her out like he had : and trying to comfort him, stood up, and, muttering a quick "oh, for Merlin's sakes !" ran out of the common room. She could be mad later, she thought. She still cared about him, after all, and right now, she was sick worried about him. She didn't need to look for him for long, she knew exactly where he was. She went to the tree near the lake and wasn't surprised to find him there. Ginny stayed a few feet away, though, wanting to let him have some privacy.

She was shoked to see how miserable he looked, and almost got scared as she watched him yelling and letting his anger out. Ginny was considering going back to the castle when suddenly Harry fell on his knees, shaking uncontrolably.

"Oh my", Ginny said, and without hesitating for a second, she ran to him, dropping on her knees next to him, and hugging him as strongly as she could. Harry needed her, he needed to know he was not alone, that she was here for him. She pressed his head into her chest, whispering words of comfort in his ear.

- " It's OK, Harry, just let it out. Everything's gonna be alright now, I promise, she began rocking him back and forth, not realizing that she too was crying. As Harry was sobbing in her arms, she took time to think about what he had gone through, hoping he would want to tell her everything, hoping that he would be able to lead a normal life, like he had always wanted to. She wondered if he would want her by his side again, now that it was over, now that they were safe. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice Harry had stopped crying and was looking at her. Neither did she notice when she said one thought that came to her mind out loud : "Merlin, I love you so much..."

- Ginny ? He asked, his voice a faint whisper. He hoped he had heard well, and the thought that there was a tiny chance for him and Ginny to get back together was making him feel a little better.

- Gin ? He asked again, his voice stronger this time. She looked down at him. When he saw her face, he felt his heart dying from hurt and guilt. She was a wreck : her eyes were red and puffy, and she was as pale as a corpse.

- Gin...I am so sorry...so,so,sorry, he began, tears coming down his face again. If only I-

- Harry. She interupted him, cupping his face in her hands. You have absolutely nothing to feel sorry about, you hear me ? NOTHING. Hall, you saved us all ! I know you think all of these deaths were your falt, but Harry, they all died for us to have a world to live in ! You have saved so many lives tonight, don't, please don't start counting the few you couldn't save. Please, Harry, I'm begging you, don't feel guilty. Enjoy life. You deserve this so much...more than anyone else ! Don't let this son of a b ruin you even after his death !

Harry had a small smile at her choice of word. Maybe she was right. All those people who died, Fred, Remus, Tonks, Lupin etc. wouldn't want him to spend the rest of his life mourning them. He looked at Ginny :

- "Did you really mean what you said before ? He asked, taking her had in his, looking her directly in the eyes, realizing how much he had missed them. Ginny frowned.

- What did I say ?

- You said you love me. Ginny didn't have to answer, Harry saw it in her eyes. He waited anyway.

- I didn't mean for you to hear that, but Harry, of course I love you. I always have, and I always will. When everybody believed you were dead, I was sure part of me had died with you. I was sure I'd never be the same. Ginny was crying, sure Harry would run away as she told him this. He did exactly the opposite.

- In that case, he whispered, leaning in, his eyes still locked on Ginny's, a small smile forming on his lips, I'm gonna follow your advice and enjoy life. But I am definitely not doing it without you.

As they kissed, Harry didn't believe he could be happier.

_If enjoying life means kissing Ginny Weasley like this,_he thought,_then I am so damn ready to do so !!_

**T.B.C...**

**A/N : Ok, this is it for now, I don't know when I'll be able to write a next chapter, but as soon as I do, I'll post it ok ?**


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